It has been a while since I have updated or posted anything, and for that I am full of regret. Primarily because it means I have been doing nothing.
The last few months have been harder than I care to admit. Not only did I not get the job that I truly wanted, one which would have seen my situation stabilised significantly, I also discovered that the changes to my current job were far extensive than I was previously led to believe. This has left me in a position where my personal morals are being tested on a near daily basis – something I had not been prepared for during my training over a year ago. In turn, this has meant that I have been returning home in a mental state that has left my unable to work on anything related to arts and crafts – and on my days off I have been putting myself in positions where I am not able to craft. This has been a choice I made because I simply did not have the willpower or energy required to actually get off my arse and do something.
This has, unsurprisingly, left me in something of a rut, as I struggle to find my creative flow while at the same time face exhaustion dealing with a job I no longer care for. There seems to be a repeating pattern in my life that, just when I think I have found something that I enjoy, something changes and it is no longer the job I signed up for. Perhaps it’s just bad luck, or perhaps it is some Greater Power’s less-than-subtle way of telling me something, but either way, it has become incredibly frustrating. I know what it is I want to do with my life, but I am stuck with how to actually get there. We have no savings, nobody in my family can (or will) give me a loan or assist me, and I am already in a position where I have maxed out my business credit card in order to pay for last year’s exhibition. Which, I might add, was of no financial benefit to me in the end at all.
So how can someone be creative when everything around them seems to want to make them miserable?
Well, over the past week, I have been quite ill with a cold. I have had this cold for a full seven days now, and it is only now showing signs of easing off. It effected my throat, my ears and my sinuses, as well as giving me hot flushes, severe pain and dizziness. And for the first time in months, I have been thinking about creative things in a more positive light. I have been completely unable to do anything about it, as I have mostly been laid up in bed, but it has given me the opportunity to think about what I want from my creative pursuits and how I can go about doing them, even when my work life is being an utter…. Well, I’ll let you fill that word in yourself!
So, as I still have a few more days of recovery off work, and I’m feeling a lot less wretched than I did previously (even with no voice and only 50% hearing!) I’m preparing to work on a couple of projects that have been sitting unfinished for some time. These include my mermaid-themed Steampunk outfit, my Haruna (Lady Spring) get-up and a secret project I presented to a friend some time ago, but never got round to starting properly. I have also been given the go-ahead to use an Org from an Alpha-stage game, Star Citizen, as inspiration for a new outfit, which can double over as a costume design for Fire, for the Shades project, which I am still part of.
I will leave you now with some images of a that I created the other day, when the full weight of the illness was not yet on me and I was at a loss for things to do! It is not complete, but right now, the focal piece of it adequately depicts how I have felt for the past few days while stuck in bed!